The Meaning of Christmas

I really hate to admit it, but it's taken me 48 years to really understand the meaning of Christmas. Christmas has come so fast this year and I've had no desire to participate in any of it. It all has seemed like such a chore...put up the tree only to have to take it down again in a month. Decorations, the same. Our house is bare of the normal Christmas trappings. Wait! Before you cry about us not having a tree up and missing out on Christmas, I really have to tell you I understand more now the meaning of it than I have in all the years past with the parties and the presents and all of the festivities. This year, I've finally found peace. Not peace on earth, but peace in my heart. It's taken me the whole holiday season to figure out that I needed the peace. Thank you, dear friends for showing me what this season is really all about.

I am Thankful

I often need gentle reminders that I really do have it good and that I do have a lot more than most. I don't always remember that when I'm lying in bed in the morning, grumbling to myself because I have to get up to go to work that 1) I have a job to go to; 2) I'm healthy enough to get out of bed to go to work. So here is my list of "thankful for" not in any particular order:

I'm thankful for my friends: who accept me for who I am and don't try to make me into someone I can't or don't want to be. Who have open arms for me even when I'm holding you at arms length trying to make you stay away and you won't let me.

I'm thankful for my job: while it may be taxing trying to figure out what we're supposed to be doing for who and how, I still have a desk, a computer, a phone and a paycheck.

I'm thankful for my cats: who remind me daily what unconditional love is all about. And that unconditional love makes all the other decisions in my life very, very simple.

I'm thankful for the change in health insurance: that is leading me down the path to better health in ways I'd only dreamt about in the past.

This is a day of miracles and resolution. First, I actually got up this morning, finally starting to get used to the new meds. Second, my OT dispute has been resolved and a check is forthcoming. Third, we've discovered the surging issue with the truck is related to the AC/heater unit. For now, the truck runs well as long as I'm not sitting at a stop light for long with the defroster on. Fourth, I finally got the rollover on my 401(k) completed, no thanks to Charles Schwab (the account administrator). I always forget that dealing with all of those finance folks about moving money and who needs to do what first is like being the ball in a tennis match as the players get more and more angry with each stroke (insert: question) that's lobbed into their court. By the time I finally got done, not only had I given up, but I'd give in and sworn I'd never revert back to a finance personality even though that was my calling. So, things are calming down (read: Candy is cooling off) and "projects" are getting completed. It is really nice to cross a bunch of things off my list this week, even though it meant I was beyond crazy busy.

Suz came down last Friday and we worked in the last corner of the back yard that needed landscaping - she visited as well. We got the gazebo/arbor thingy built and all of the roses (except a couple that go other places) planted. We ran into a couple re-design moments - one was not putting a bush 8 inches from one of the drip controllers so that I didn't get all scratched up adjusting the sprinklers. Bummer, I need to buy a tree rose for that spot. There's a chore. (big grin) The only thing we didn't get done was move mom's fountain. That can wait until Spring or a nice weekend in the new year. Pictures to follow on what we did get accomplished. I can't wait until Spring when the climbers start to cover the gazebo/arbor and are in full bloom. I have this amazing picture in my mind and will be so happy if it even comes remotely close in reality. We'll see.

Old & new woobies

I never cease being amazed how things always come about how and when they should, regardless of how I want it to happen. With the new company, I'm having to leave my favorite old woobie Kaiser HMO behind. Change is frightening enough when you have your woobie, but even worse without. So I went back to the doctor I've seen off and on through the years when I haven't been able to have Kaiser. When she walked into the exam room on Wednesday, there was a huge smile on her face. She was REALLY happy to see me! She went on to tell me that she had thought of mom a couple weeks back (she was mom's doctor as well) and was wondering how I was doing...and there I was. So, she asked how I was doing and I immediately burst into tears. She calmly handed me a tissue box and said, "I understand." She's known me for so long that she knew my emotional response isn't a normal thing for me. We went over the list of things I had and put together a game plan. She was very pleased with my weight loss efforts and supported what I am doing. She also is helping by re-evaluating my meds and moving me to things that will better help where I am right now. Wow! A doctor that listens and helps! And I was worried about losing my woobie. Maybe I did, but I think I have a much better woobie now. Instead of telling me all the things I can't/shouldn't do, she's talking about all the things WE can/will do together to move my health plans forward. And all I can say is "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

Rainy Days

The landscape project has been put on hold one more week due to weather. While the roses wouldn't have minded being planted in the rain, it would have been a soggy, muddy mess. That and Suz had something come up and couldn't come down for the weekend. So, next weekend is scheduled for completion of the project. The nice part about all this rain over the weekend is that the ground shouldn't be so hard for digging and planting the roses. I believe we have a dozen bushes to plant and that will probably take us most of the day.

So, instead of being out in the rain, I enjoyed my first rainy weekend day in my favorite chair, a couple of cats and a pot of tea. A couple of good movies and knitting rounded it out. I finally finished the Bias Scarf that I started on Sea Socks and have gotten quite a bit done on my Aran Cabled Shrug. The main part (sleeve end to sleeve end) is over halfway completed. It would be nice to get some more done on it this week. I also got some done on the Cat's Paw scarf out of Qiviut. Wonderful stuff, soft as a cloud. Can't wait to get this scarf done to wear it. I think it will be one of my favorites.

Under Construction

Suzanne is coming down this weekend to help me finish a project that has been in the works for over a year. The area is ready (except for a few more fallen apples - the neighbor's apple tree is going to be trimmed back to the fenceline tomorrow by the gardeners), the roses are beyond ready (since the roots have come through the bottom of the pots into the ground), and I'm ready to have this project done, or mostly done. Here is what it currently looks like with the roses that we're going to pland on the concrete in front. There will be a kind of 3 legged arbor/gazebo that will have three different color pink climbing roses, one on each leg. Mom's fountain will sit under the arbor/gazebo and the rest of the roses will be planted in various locations, most of them in and around the arbor/gazebo area.

One more day...one more chore completed.

It's pretty sad when you have to write down the chores that need to be done in a list and assign a specific day/date to complete said chore. With everything that's been going on with work and with Chessa being sick, it seems to be the only way I feel like I'm making forward progress. The list is long, and some chores repeat weekly, but I can see some of the one-offs going away as well. No small feat at this stage in my life. This weekend I spent cleaning up the back yard. Suz is coming down next Saturday to help me plant roses and move mom's fountain. This has been a project I've been trying to complete for over a year. When I went to move the roses that Gena, Tammy, Megan and I potted over a year ago, the roots had grown out of the pots and into the ground. Guess that could be taken as a sign. *sigh* I don't think I've ever seen the back corner that we'll be working on this neat since before mom and I bought the house.

Chessa, the resident queen and head of household had another one of her episodes that her auto-immune system wacks out and she won't eat, she feels miserable, and her fur falls out. It appears we have made it through another round and she is doing much better, but the vet also feels she may have cancer. For now she seems comfortable, a little more her old self and hasn't given up. Who am I to doubt what she knows best? Chessa has always been a very intelligent girl, who knows what she needs when she needs it. She's been very good at getting us hoomans to understand her. She's quite good at that, actually. So, we'll love and cherish her for however much longer we'll be blessed with her in our household. And will let go when she let's us know it is time.

Work has been incredibly crazy. As of November 1 I'll be working for the new company. What's crazy is no one knows anything of who is doing what (if different than business as usual), who reports to who or anything else that could be implortant in the grand scheme of things. I have a desk and a job to go to, with an income on a regular basis. I'll be there doing what I do unless they tell me otherwise. Another one of those "one day at a time" things.

frustration and a heavy heart

So, here it is...Monday again. Where did the weekend go? Where has the YEAR gone? The weather here has started to get brisk, leaves are just starting to turn, and we're on the home-stretch to the holidays. It seems like just a couple of months ago we were celebrating Christmas and the New Year and here we are in the middle of October....again. The days scream by and I feel I've gotten nothing accomplished. There are all these big plans in my head that move ahead with baby-steps of progress at best. So many things to do and never enough energy or hours in the day to get them done. Or even some of them done....or started. It seems like all I do is think about them and plan. The implementation seems to evade me.

I had to take Chessa to the vet yesterday. She's dropped down to under 5 pounds. The vet and I are working on trying to find something she can/will eat that won't hurt her mouth (always tender from the stomatitis). She hates canned food but for now that's all her mouth can handle. She's a little trooper when I give her her meds and feed her from a syringe as I think she knows that all of this that she must suffer through will help. She'll look up at me with those tired, wise eyes of hers and sigh as if to say "okay, if you must." She's still the demanding affectionista, just not as pushy as normal. The vet says we should have her back feeling better in a week or two. In the meantime, I'll feed and give meds and dispense all the love and affection she wants and love and appreciate her every day that we have together.

Coming soon? NOT. Already there!

more animals

It's OFFICIAL, Sports Fans!

It arrived today....the offer letter from the new company. Hurdle #1 has been jumped. Moving forward, hurdle #2 is how long it will take to transition the job and possibly how long I'll be at the new company. At least at this point I think I'll be able to make it through the holidays. Woo hoo!

Stitch & Pitch - the mini version

Last night Anne and I went to the Giants game in San Francisco. Some of our IT group from work had been invited by our AT&T Mobility account team to the game in the AT&T luxury suite. The game itself stunk... 15 - 6 Colorado. The suite we were in was spectacular...up above the crowd, looking directly down the 1st base line. Felt like we were right on the field with the players. But, for me, the night was about so much more than just the game. It was the warm memories of Mom, her love of the game and how much fun she would have had if she were there, yelling at the umps for stupid calls. It was about existing friends, new friends, knitting and converting new knitters. I had a wonderful time and met some really neat people who are now on that list of friends. It always end up surprising me that there really can be wonderful moments in the middle of all the nasty stuff and the fact that that only makes them all the sweeter. Apparently I need that reminder that life does go on outside my own little world and I need to look a little bit further than my own backyard.

The weather was clear and warm (unheard of for SF) so we moved to the seats outside the suite and pulled out our knitting. Of course, there were a thousand questions and some offers to "take that off your hands when you're done" for the projects Anne and I were working on. All in all, it ended up hooking a couple of my work friends into finding their LYS and learning to knit. Maybe I should take extra sticks and strings next time.

And to you, dear Anne, thank you for the wonderful time last night, for the amazing friendship we have and your love and understanding! I can't express how glad I am that you came into my life...you are in my thoughts and prayers today.

The Other Shoe

When was the last time you had a day that you just didn't want to get up and go to work? Lately that seems to be every day. I remember my mom used to say, "There'll be days like that." She just never told me there'd be so many in a row. And while I don't like change that I haven't initiated myself, I'm working with it. Somewhere in the change process when things finally start to solidify and you have an an objective, a point, a direction or at least a hint of what's going on, you can start making plans. Usually by this point you're down to only a few options instead of the sky's the limit. We've been waiting to learn our fate pretty much since the beginning of the year here in IT. We've been told we'd be told this week. And here we are, yet another day just about completed and still nothing. Another day that I can't make any knowledge-based decisions because there is no knowledge to base a rational decision on. Just another day. Pretty much like the day before. Still, that shoe is looming. And always, there's the scuttlebut at the coffee pot, those who are looking for someone to blame, those who really don't care and those who just want to get on with it. I'm going home and going to bed and I'm not getting up until next week...hopefully next week will have better days. Or at least maybe I'll know...

FO Alert!

Wow! It seems like such a long time since I've been able to say I have a project finished, knitting or otherwise. I've been challenged by some of my knitting projects and have had an itch to quilt. So, I pulled out one of the quilts that was partially quilted, added the binding and finished quilting it. Yes, an FO!!! The story behind this quilt makes me smile. I'd just spent a weekend with my roommate and a friend's oldest daughter at a craft retreat at Mt. Hermon. My roomie was at the picassiette class and Tammy and I were, of course, quilting. So, heading off the following weekend to find more fabric to complete a project that I had already set some fabric aside for, my roommie and I went into my favorite local quilting store. There were a few women there who were also buying fabric. I found what I wanted and was waiting to have it cut when the girl who worked there, stopped mid-cut on the fabric she was preparing for one of the other ladies, and whipped off her sweater. Of course the normal menopause jokcs started and we were all laughing. To the comments of "power surge," "hot flash," and several others, my roomie says, "I prefer to call them personal mini tropical vacations." So, here I am, holding all this tropical fabric. One look and we all burst out laughing. And so the quilt was named.

The Burning Hole in my Stash

I have to say, normally I'm able to control my startitis. In quilting, the one part I really dislike is "sandwiching" the quilts - lining up the quilt top, the batting, and the backing - then basting. I'm not sure why this is my least-favorite part but it is. I usually complete 3 or 4 tops and then spend a day sandwiching them all to quilt. That way I have several different projects in play if I want to do different quilting. Sometimes it takes awhile to figure out how to quilt it, sometimes I know before I even assemble the top.

My guidelines for knitting are similar to my quilting and are to finish something before I start something else, having 4-5 projects in process. Lately, there's been a lot of starting and no finishing whatsoever. I could probably blame it on the Sea Socks 08 cruise we went on, but I think I really just want to play with all the new yarns I bought. So, the heavier things, sweaters and such, have been relegated to the "on hold" status until fall rolls around. Maybe that will give me enough time to wrap up 3 or 4 of the smaller projects I'm currently working on, if I don't start any more (yeah, right). It seems like a couple of the current projects have been "troubled" and have had to be frogged almost completely back to nothing. I really just love re-knitting things because I did something stupid in the 3rd row and didn't catch it until 2 skeins later. NOT. So, new practice is to lifeline at each repeat and check my work. So far, so good. This is a habit I'd like to keep...practice makes perfect and also helps with some of the frustration.

Goldenrod? ME?!?

Normally I'm the first person to say NO to gold of any type, unless it's jewelry. (grin) But, most of this seems to fit. Go figure.

you are goldenrod #DAA520

Your dominant hues are red and yellow... most of what you do is motivated by your need to change things and have a good time, but you've been known to settle down and think out a situation, too. You tend to surprise people just when they're starting to feel like they've got you down. Your saturation level is high - you get into life and have a strong personality. Everyone you meet will either love you or hate you - either way, your goal is to get them to change the world with you. You are very hard working and don't have much patience for people without your initiative. Your outlook on life is bright. You see good things in situations where others may not be able to, and it frustrates you to see them get down on everything.

the spacefem.com html color quiz

Strange Beds

The time had come. This is the story of how sleeping in strange beds on vacation resulted in better sleep than when I got back home to my very own favorite waterbed. I knew I was sleep-challenged before, but to sleep BETTER on vacation than home in your own bed? What's wrong with THAT picture? I do have to say the discontent started quite awhile before we went on vacation, I just hadn’t put 2 and 2 together yet. I always thought the problems were with me...the sleep apnea, the migraines, the always being tired. Funny, in the 10 days we were gone on vacation I didn’t have a migraine (even though quite a few triggers were present) and I was tired, but that was just because we did 10 bejillion things, not because I didn’t sleep well. In fact, I slept less and felt better than I have in a long time. So, once I actually looked at the problem, I discovered it could be that unhappy waterbed that I’ve been clinging to for sooo long. Much too long, really. So, I spent the Friday night of Memorial weekend sleeping around…trying every mattress in the store until I had narrowed it down to one. My new bed is soooooooo much more comfortable than the waterbed had been of late. But, more than that, the PILLOWS I got are amazing. They are the TempurPedic foam in the shape of a regular pillow (not the contoured ones) and have to be the best pillows I’ve ever slept on. I’m very happy to say I’m sleeping so much better and for less time than I used to. No migraines (so far, so good) and more energy. It’s simply amazing. Who’d've thunk it? That a bed could make that much difference in someone’s life? I surely didn’t, until now.

IT’S HERE! (finally)

"The new phone book's here! The new phone book's here! I'm Somebody now!"
Steve Martin from The Jerk

The last port of call on our amazing cruise through Alaska and Canada brought us to Victoria, BC. Not my first visit there, and certainly not my last. What an amazing and beautiful city. The modern and the historic manage to survive side by side in a way that can only compliment both.
Our ship was late into port from bucking 60 knot headwinds out of Juneau, Alaska. We finally arrived about 5pm…and headed straight for the Beehive Wool yarn store (they knew we were coming). After shopping to my hearts content, I just about suffered a heart attack when I saw the bill. That’s okay. I finally have all my yarney-goodness in my hands and can pet and play to my hearts content. Believe me when I tell you that when I opened the package I only remembered a couple of things that I had purchased. The rest is like Christmas in June.

A Little Less Than Pleased

Okay, I have to tell you. I'm just a little less than pleased with the whole shipping thing right now. More so, I'm not happy with myself for second guessing. In a spur-of-the-moment decision I went ahead and had the yarn from Beehive shipped to me by the store (note that it didn't actually ship until LAST FRIDAY - May 30th - TWO WEEKS after we got back). What should have been easy (I hear it was for most everyone else) ended up costing me more in the long run than if I had taken my stash back to the ship and mailed it the following day in Seattle and claimed it when we came back into the country - that's what we did with everything else that would make our bags overweight anyway. So, long story short, I need to stop being a sheep and second-guessing myself. I had everything straight in my mind...making notes for the next time. Oh, well.

IT'S HERE!!! (sort of)

My package from Beehive Wool Shop that I've been waiting for since before the cruise ended is finally here!!! Okay...sort of....well...it's in San Jose...at UPS. So, side trip after work today to go and retrieve the yarny-goodness package to wallow in. More news later.