Like a Little Kid

I feel like a little kid. I still have a few more hoops to jump through, but I'm so excited: I'm going back to school! I've been approved for training for an Accounting Certification program through NOVA. I hear this doesn't always happen and I hear it's even more rare if you are currently employed, which at present I am. (Thank you , God or whomever is running this show!) This just seems to be one more step in the right direction after so many of the doors that have been slamming shut for what seems like forever. And I'm just so excited about this! I loved school when I was going before, even with the long days, but I got burned out and then other things like life got in the way. Now, it seems, this is the direction I'm supposed to be going as all of the other life-hurdles seem to have more or less been moved out of my way. I think I got the hint. *wink-wink* I know I can be a little challenged sometimes, but come on. I usually catch on.

While it's been a very slow process meeting the requirements to get to this point, perserverance and my stubborness have won the day. That and the fact this is something I really want and need to do. Now I need to meet with the counselor over at DeAnza (on Monday) and get my marching orders from her. I got my marching orders from my counselor over at NOVA yesterday. I have two weeks to get everything accomplished in time to get registered for the fall quarter. No, grass doesn't grow under MY feet. ;)

So, like a little kid, I'm rifling through my supplies to see what I'm going to need for school, trying to pull from supplies without having to buy much. But there is fun in shopping online to see what some of the new things are that are out there. I do think I'm going to have to invest in a good wheeled backpack for books and my laptop. I just really don't want to be carrying either around. Especially since school is after work and I'm going to have long days that I'm going to be toting everything around. And don't forget that there will have to be room for a knitting project and snacks and drinks as well. A girl needs a break from time to time. Ya know?

On another front, there is forward movement on my Etsy shop, Chessa's Knitche. The shop actually exists now, if in name only. It also has it's own email: chessasknitche@gmail.com. I'm working on getting some product done to open at the end of September in time for the holidays. I'm hoping to be able to announce more in Augst. At this point I don't even have the website designed, although I do have lots of thoughts about it spinning around in my head. I just need to slow down long enough to get them going on the computer. I also welcome ideas from people. I'm going to have mostly textile-type products and holiday items to start off. Dish towels, quilts, placemats, etc. It should be a lot of fun. I'm looking forward to getting more done and will let you know as it progresses. Please feel free to leave me feedback about it.

Hope your days are happy and pleasant and full of fluff and stuff. :D

I Scare Myself

Do you ever have those little "aha!" moments? Seems to me I've had quite a few in the last few days. And it seems that the hits just keep coming. In a good way. Which has really knocked me off my game this week. In a good way. I guess after so much crap for so very long I'm not so sure what to do with all these little nuggets of good that keep happening to me. I guess I'll just go with it and thank my lucky stars that they're happening and not question them coming my way. It started when I had to ask my property manager if we could "adjust" the rent while I was unemployed. She said she didn't have a problem but would need to talk to her boss. She ended up having to talk to the owners, something she said she was soooo uncomfortable doing, but she did anyway because she wanted to help me and she said she'd try. And wow, they modified my rent for 6 months. Granted, I still owed it, but it was less stressful and gee, I had someone in my corner. Then I got a job I really like, working with people I really like. Imagine that. Sure, it's contract, but it's an income. And it's been a long time since I've WANTED to get up in the morning and go to work!

Then my boy Traver got sick with his urinary blockage. Had to wait overnight to take him to the vet because there was no way I could afford to take him to the emergency vet. That would have been $1k just to get in the door with him and just have him looked at. So, I waited to see my vet until the next day, and called my boss to let him know what was going on. Bossman says, "No worries. Take care of the cat, get in when you can." (Love my boss). So, Traver and I go see the vet. We find out about his blockage and that it might be fatal for him...I guess I knew this in the back of my head, but I was playing the hand I was dealt. At that point we were up to $1500 at the vet. Because I was a long-standing repeat customer (and they're awesome people) I was able to negotiate payments for all of this for my boy. Whew! So, he stayed at the FixMe Hotel and I went to work. All my work friends were supportive about my boy. Did I mention I like my work friends as well? They're awesome, too! Anyway, on with the story. Through all of this has been my awesome friend Denise. She's been there, picking me up and putting me back together. Sometimes big pieces, sometimes itty bitty ones. She's laughed with me, she's cried with me. But, she's been there for me every time. :D

So, today I call my property manager to talk with her about the lease renewal coming up. We're discussing payments and such. She tells me she's willing to let my lease go to month-to-month for a couple of months to help me get back on my feet financially before I sign the new lease (the rent goes up) and start paying back the back rent from when we had adjusted the rent when I was unemployed. Her idea, not mine. Do I have the most awesome landlord, or what?

So, the "I Scare Myself" part of this was that it all-of-a-sudden hit me today that I'd finally gotten through all of the crap with the house and the bills and all of the garbage...the phone wasn't ringing, the mail wasn't crammed full of notices about "You owe this. We're coming to get you"...this was the biggest AHA! moment of them all. It really was wrapping up! And once I file the bankruptcy (if I can figure out how to pay for it) and have my 2010 taxes done (and figure out how to pay for that and Uncle Sam for those, too) I'll have all of the garbage accounted for and I really can move on and let it all go. WHEW! I never thought I'd be able to say that! I know never is a long, long time. But I was really beginning to wonder. Maybe that light at the end of the tunnel ISN'T an oncoming train. ;)

Where Are You?

Where are you? Are you there? Can you hear me calling for you? Don't you know I'm missing you? Does it really matter? Why did you leave me here all alone?

Is There Anybody Out There?

It's just another lousy Monday night (Tuesday morning)...after another another lousy day that I woke up after another lousy night the night before. One of the neighbors a block over left their dog out while they were gone and the dog barked endlessly well after I got up about 1:30am and went to go sleep in my cozy chair in my sewing room. Fortunately the windows in the sewing room face a different direction and I was able to get some sleep. Sort of. When I woke up about 6:30am it was with a nice kink in my neck that didn't seem to go away even after I curled up in my nice comfy bed for a couple more hours of shut-eye. To the point I woke up from a sad dream about my Mom that had me crying and missing her that put me in a funk for most of the day, along with the beginnings of a migraine. And here I am, wanting to sleep but unable to get my body to cooperate by shutting my mind off or at least slowing it down to give me a chance to doze off. It's times like these, at 2:20am that I feel the most alone and emotional and it's about the only part that I really hate about living alone. Most people don't want me to call them and wake them up just because I want to talk because I feel lonely. So, I ask, is there anybody out there? I know there is somewhere...

Something has to give soon. I know I need to be patient and keep at it and not panic. I keep telling myself these things, over and over. Yet, when I go to bed at night, my mind is a hamster on a wheel that I just can't get to stop or get off. The 'what if' game is a favorite of mine right now because there are so many variables and so many varied outcomes, and my mind sees none of the good ones. My Mom always told me I was a pessimist. I'd reply that "No, I am a realist and anything better than the worst outcome is a pleasant surprise." I'm beginning to wonder if she was really the one that was right. It's times like these that I really miss her because she always made me feel better, no matter what. I knew I always had someone who would listen. She might not have all the answers, but she was always there and would always listen. Mom, I miss you. I wish you were here to tell me to quit feeling sorry for myself and get off my ass and get busy and do what I need to do to get whatever I need to do done. On that note, I think I should head off to bed and love the kitties I know love me and be thankful for what I have.