Is There Anybody Out There?

It's just another lousy Monday night (Tuesday morning)...after another another lousy day that I woke up after another lousy night the night before. One of the neighbors a block over left their dog out while they were gone and the dog barked endlessly well after I got up about 1:30am and went to go sleep in my cozy chair in my sewing room. Fortunately the windows in the sewing room face a different direction and I was able to get some sleep. Sort of. When I woke up about 6:30am it was with a nice kink in my neck that didn't seem to go away even after I curled up in my nice comfy bed for a couple more hours of shut-eye. To the point I woke up from a sad dream about my Mom that had me crying and missing her that put me in a funk for most of the day, along with the beginnings of a migraine. And here I am, wanting to sleep but unable to get my body to cooperate by shutting my mind off or at least slowing it down to give me a chance to doze off. It's times like these, at 2:20am that I feel the most alone and emotional and it's about the only part that I really hate about living alone. Most people don't want me to call them and wake them up just because I want to talk because I feel lonely. So, I ask, is there anybody out there? I know there is somewhere...

Something has to give soon. I know I need to be patient and keep at it and not panic. I keep telling myself these things, over and over. Yet, when I go to bed at night, my mind is a hamster on a wheel that I just can't get to stop or get off. The 'what if' game is a favorite of mine right now because there are so many variables and so many varied outcomes, and my mind sees none of the good ones. My Mom always told me I was a pessimist. I'd reply that "No, I am a realist and anything better than the worst outcome is a pleasant surprise." I'm beginning to wonder if she was really the one that was right. It's times like these that I really miss her because she always made me feel better, no matter what. I knew I always had someone who would listen. She might not have all the answers, but she was always there and would always listen. Mom, I miss you. I wish you were here to tell me to quit feeling sorry for myself and get off my ass and get busy and do what I need to do to get whatever I need to do done. On that note, I think I should head off to bed and love the kitties I know love me and be thankful for what I have.